The Great Indian Marriage Champions

Just returned back from a typical south Indian wedding. As an accountant, I have never been able to comprehend the commercials behind this very essential process which every Indian goes through. Well it all starts after the eligible groom is identified. The identification process of-course is a topic by itself and so I reserve it for a subsequent occasion.

The minute the groom is identified, the first step is to book a mandap. The big names are normally full for the next 1 – 2 years (or so they say). Such exorbitant Cost of space for a 2 day affair defies all logics of IRR which I had read in my management accounting. Infact, I decided to forget MAC after the entire episode.

Then comes the task of printing the wedding cards. So many choices, so many varieties. A card which is actually going to be used for finding out the address of the place and then find its way quietly into the dustbin does not deserve the trees it consumes. I wish people start believing in E Invites.

And then the shopping sphree starts. The lists are made. The budgets per relative is fixed. Depending on the proximity the budgets are adjusted. Then the whole affair of picking the stuff which is a variable of multiple factors ranging from a subtle expression of choice in a made to suit context to a forced fitment to the physical attributes like age, colour, choice etc. After the choices are made with such careful precision, the next process of audience commences wherein people see the respective choices. The more closer you are, the better your chances to pick the most appropriate piece. All the well thought through logic and mix and match go for a complete toss by the time the last piece is fit to the last member. And after so much of pampering, there is this whole lot of comments, some on the face, and some behind the back which the careful ears record in its fullest content to reproduce to you.

The next major event is the distribution of the invitations. Now this is not a simple affair. Every relative has to physically visited irrespective of which part of the city they are. Some close ones, it requires travel outside the city. I am somehow unable to understand why do we need to waste non renewable natural resources like oil both ways. But then, the pre-invitation is a must. Remember, the careful ears are still collecting specific comments from different directions and so we better play this safe.

The laundry list of other activities – close to 3 – 4 months of intensive effort and preparation follows. The D Day arrives. A three day Grandeur is about to unveil. Amidst all the wastages, some of them really strike me. > the flowers. I just wonder, what is the point in putting so much of money in a perishable commodity. Starting from the walls to the entrances, to the hairs of the ladies adorning in silk saris and jewellery (infact one of the key agenda for many is to walk the ramp with their latest collection), flowers are there every where. Then the next big element is the food. It is a nine course meal three times a day with snacks in between. Each Banana leaf is filled with stuff which every individually intends to finish but seldom manages to. The leafs are then crumpled and thrown into the bins which some of the street dogs manage to scramble and consume and many go into the the ever swelling garbage lorries for effective disposal. Without any statistics, more by gut, I feel that if we tried to put together all the stuff which we waste in our marriages, probably we can feed the poor people in each of our state for a full year. But then, the quality of the food makes the entire marriage. If the food is not satisfactory, the careful ears have enough fodder to make you feel completely miserable. So you have to be double careful on this.

And now the biggest event, the final feedback on the process from the chosen ones. Well, it normally is a mixed one. There would have been some part of the process which wouldn’t have gone well. so there are going to be comments floating in a big way around those. And then, the reconciliation to reality happens wherein all acknowledge that “alls well that ends well”. The average Indian middle class house wife who fights for 7 minutes when the auto driver rounds up the bill by about 7 rupees, burns off a 7 digit number (probably her husband’s life time earnings) over a 3 day affair without batting an eye lid. Spends the rest of their life recollecting the traces of the event over the marriage album which no one other than them is every interested in viewing (even though she forces every visitor to the house to necessarily go thru the routine of looking at all the unknown faces from beginning to end till such time – the comment “what a great wedding” is heard.)

As an accountant, I have never been able to comprehend the financials of this. Whatever it is, it is a three months intensive effort to spend all your life time earnings into channels where you can be rest assured that neither are they going to come back, nor are they going to leave any trace of what is spent and you are where you were when you started the journey.