Some tough questions

I recently read a post from a blogger who I really admire about how the language of kids is so sweet and how nice it would be if we can speak like them. Inspired by this, I am trying to pen down some words of my 2 ½ year old baby.

Well, it was one of these days when I bought him a Tropicana juice box, put a straw and gave it to him to drink. He would first put the straw in, drink some juice, remove the straw and put his mouth on the juice box. He kept on doing this repeatedly. After some time he asked me,
“Straw potta juice varadu, verum vai potta yen varalai” (when I put straw, juice comes, when I put mouth, no juice comes, why?) well – I had no answer – I could not obviously explain class VII physics to him.

Diwali time. The association had allotted a specific place in the flat. and all people were bursting different crackers there. We also participated. After some time, he asked“ ella mamavum yen adhuve enga veekara” ( why all uncle keeping same cracker together)” what a deep question. Community cracker bursting would be so much of a saving on the pocket as well as environment. If only our egos will let us

Now some chemistry – when I put baby cream on him, he gets very upset that the white colour disappears “white enga pochu” (where did the white go) he cries. I really don’t what is the chemical reason that a cream which is white in colour loses its identify when in contact with the skin?

I picked up two soup mixes from the shelf in a shop. These were the only two mixes. “Nee ellam eduthutaye, appo avaluku errukadhe?” (you have taken it all, there is nothing left for them.) I think if this compassion comes in the minds of all of us, world would be a better place to live.

I think if we keep our ego aside and actually see the world through this little eyes, we could probably know how much we are yet to learn in the world.

The Great Indian Marriage Champions

Just returned back from a typical south Indian wedding. As an accountant, I have never been able to comprehend the commercials behind this very essential process which every Indian goes through. Well it all starts after the eligible groom is identified. The identification process of-course is a topic by itself and so I reserve it for a subsequent occasion.

The minute the groom is identified, the first step is to book a mandap. The big names are normally full for the next 1 – 2 years (or so they say). Such exorbitant Cost of space for a 2 day affair defies all logics of IRR which I had read in my management accounting. Infact, I decided to forget MAC after the entire episode.

Then comes the task of printing the wedding cards. So many choices, so many varieties. A card which is actually going to be used for finding out the address of the place and then find its way quietly into the dustbin does not deserve the trees it consumes. I wish people start believing in E Invites.

And then the shopping sphree starts. The lists are made. The budgets per relative is fixed. Depending on the proximity the budgets are adjusted. Then the whole affair of picking the stuff which is a variable of multiple factors ranging from a subtle expression of choice in a made to suit context to a forced fitment to the physical attributes like age, colour, choice etc. After the choices are made with such careful precision, the next process of audience commences wherein people see the respective choices. The more closer you are, the better your chances to pick the most appropriate piece. All the well thought through logic and mix and match go for a complete toss by the time the last piece is fit to the last member. And after so much of pampering, there is this whole lot of comments, some on the face, and some behind the back which the careful ears record in its fullest content to reproduce to you.

The next major event is the distribution of the invitations. Now this is not a simple affair. Every relative has to physically visited irrespective of which part of the city they are. Some close ones, it requires travel outside the city. I am somehow unable to understand why do we need to waste non renewable natural resources like oil both ways. But then, the pre-invitation is a must. Remember, the careful ears are still collecting specific comments from different directions and so we better play this safe.

The laundry list of other activities – close to 3 – 4 months of intensive effort and preparation follows. The D Day arrives. A three day Grandeur is about to unveil. Amidst all the wastages, some of them really strike me. > the flowers. I just wonder, what is the point in putting so much of money in a perishable commodity. Starting from the walls to the entrances, to the hairs of the ladies adorning in silk saris and jewellery (infact one of the key agenda for many is to walk the ramp with their latest collection), flowers are there every where. Then the next big element is the food. It is a nine course meal three times a day with snacks in between. Each Banana leaf is filled with stuff which every individually intends to finish but seldom manages to. The leafs are then crumpled and thrown into the bins which some of the street dogs manage to scramble and consume and many go into the the ever swelling garbage lorries for effective disposal. Without any statistics, more by gut, I feel that if we tried to put together all the stuff which we waste in our marriages, probably we can feed the poor people in each of our state for a full year. But then, the quality of the food makes the entire marriage. If the food is not satisfactory, the careful ears have enough fodder to make you feel completely miserable. So you have to be double careful on this.

And now the biggest event, the final feedback on the process from the chosen ones. Well, it normally is a mixed one. There would have been some part of the process which wouldn’t have gone well. so there are going to be comments floating in a big way around those. And then, the reconciliation to reality happens wherein all acknowledge that “alls well that ends well”. The average Indian middle class house wife who fights for 7 minutes when the auto driver rounds up the bill by about 7 rupees, burns off a 7 digit number (probably her husband’s life time earnings) over a 3 day affair without batting an eye lid. Spends the rest of their life recollecting the traces of the event over the marriage album which no one other than them is every interested in viewing (even though she forces every visitor to the house to necessarily go thru the routine of looking at all the unknown faces from beginning to end till such time – the comment “what a great wedding” is heard.)

As an accountant, I have never been able to comprehend the financials of this. Whatever it is, it is a three months intensive effort to spend all your life time earnings into channels where you can be rest assured that neither are they going to come back, nor are they going to leave any trace of what is spent and you are where you were when you started the journey.

The Right Price

Last week we were in Chennai. We landed from Chennai mail at the railway station at 4.30 AM and some 10s of Auto and taxi drivers caught us at the entrance requesting to take their taxi. Each quoted varying prices ranging from Rs.150 to Rs.180. the normal prepaid rate was about Rs.100 and how can they over-charge a finance professional? I did a cut-throat bargain and finally agreed at Rs.130/- and landed home. All this for a saving of Rs.20/-. The evening, I had visited Chennai City centre along with some relatives and went for dinner at the terrace garden. I did not even read the bill before slipping my credit card into the black pouch. Should have a paid a premium 100 times the money I saved with the auto driver without any complaint. I really wonder. Eating out has an entertainment and bonding value and if I choose to each out, I need to pay the price for it. So should I pay the auto-driver Rs.20/- extra. But why should I pay a premium when I can get one without paying it, even though the poor fellow is up in the morning at 4.30 and the difference the extra money would make to him is far higher that what it would mean to me – but then, I know I am pound foolish. Can I be penny foolish as well? tough question?

Now the next one, The reason why the place charges a huge premium is for sitting under the open sky and eat while looking at the moon and bond with a near one. When we were children, my grandmother used to give us “Nila Sadam” on the terrace, wherein she would make small balls of rice and curds and give on the hands of all of us. This used to be coupled with nice stories and some real bonding between all us cousins. These days, we never meet cousins without purpose and most flats don’t have terraces (since those spaces have been sold off as private gardens by the builders), nor does any one have the time to make and feed curd rice balls under the sky. What have I accomplished at the end of this highly elegant life style. Another tough question?

Now the last one. My parents never had a concept of exotic weekend breaks. The max an outing they would have taken us would be a visit to Marina Beach or Kabaleeshwarar Temple coupled with a small snack. The only big outing was an LTC once in two years which used to be largely funded by my father’s public sector employer. But then, there was no dissatisfaction or stress. Now, why do I desire for these weekend breaks and recreations at expensive places – well, I need to get rejuvenated after a tough working week. Why do I have a tough working week – Obviously, I need to grow and make money. Why I need to make money – So simple, I need to afford the current lifestyle which I live and what is the current lifestyle and do I really need it – I guess, I don’t have an answer here again.

will we ever learn

Today again you hurt my feelings.
Today again you made me sad.
Today again you killed my enthusiasm.
Today again you made me feel bad.

I agree I don’t surrender
I agree I always speak back
I agree I demand my views
I agree my track I never tack

I expect you give me an audience
I expect you give my views a thought
I expect your treat me as a partner
I expect you simply don’t go overwrought

You feel I should be realistic
You feel I should understand
You feel I should agree
You feel I should not demand

Can’t say whether who is correct
Can’t say what is the right path
Can’t say whether this can sustain
Can’t say if we can justify this wrath

Every time we decide to make up
Every time we apologise
Every time we agree to stop this
Every time we decide to go wise

Life again puts us in the whirlpool
Life again gives us two view
Life again makes our thoughts cross
Life again makes us tangle anew

Isn’t it in our hands to untangle together
Isn’t it in our hands to make up our show
Isn’t it in our hands to conquer our temper
Isn’t it in our hands to suppress our ego

Will we ever learn to break this vicious cycle
Will we ever learn that to put an end to this ache
Will we ever learn to make the big change
Will we ever learn that life is Give and take

Towards my destiny:

When My Destiny is pre-determined - then why should i work towards it? At the end of every day, when I think back and retrace the course of events, I often realize that some days are specifically luckier to me than others.

Taking a simple example like catching a train, on one day, even though I would have reached the station 5 mins late, the train could get delayed enabling me to catch it, but on another day even though I could have started an hour in advance, I could have but got caught in the traffic and missed the train. If I ask myself, the only explanation I can give is that maybe, it was not my lucky day or on the contrary, maybe I was destined for something good.

If everything is ruled by my destiny, then why should I work at all. Why should I ever run to catch a train, if I know that I will get it only when I am destined to?

But if I think further, Wherever, I have read about successful people in life, I have always read that they have been the architects of their destiny. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said “ Do not follow where the path may lead. Go Instead where there is no path and leave a trial” They have created their trial and left their mark.

Does that mean destiny is irrelevant. If so, then why are two people with equal aptitude not at equal levels in life. Why do all efforts not get commensurate results. Why does one person’s reasonable effort fetch him more return than another person’s vigorous efforts. Of-course, efforts are for sure a prerequisite, but why does it break even at varied readings on the X and Y Axis between individuals.

If you examine deeper this strange paradox called life, - the vicious or a virtuous circle we all orbit in, Isnt it true that a person destined to be successful always find a way to work towards it. But isnt it equally true that any person who puts in determined efforts is destined to succeed.

Maybe, you can call the blend of hard work and destiny a chemical reaction, wherein each component blends in such a way that we never realize which component has contributed what proportion to the final outcome called success. But then one thing is for sure, both of them are critical, and one has to make up for the deficiency in the other. And since, we can never judge the deficiency in either cases, and only one of the variables is controllable by us, I guess, we try and push it to the optimum to attain better results. And maybe, that is why people who work more and more harder always end up kissing the peak of success.

Far Away from the Conservative Crowd

Far away from the “Conservative” crowd…..
Some Thoughts on the winds of liberalization sweeping across the country

Liberalization – the happening word of today’s youth. A much talked about topic of today’s 20-35s is about how they are successfully marching towards liberalization in a conservative India. Each of them have a proud story to share about how each of them have come out of the barriers imposed on them by their families in terms of religions, food habits, dressing and values.

And these pioneers of liberalization have established visual indicators to reinforce their contribution to the society. They have successfully switched to western outfit, trendy hair styles, western language, and unfortunately also to addictions to self-poisoning like smoking, drinking etc.

But then they are not able to get away from the crowd of traditionalists. They are those old fashioned people who wear traditional outfits because they feel comfortable in them. Those are the conformists who respect the unwarranted value systems, which exist at home like respecting elders or seeking learning from the experienced knowledge bank of elders. Those are the uneducated masses that feel more comfortable communicating in the mother tongue. Those are those insecure individuals who call up and inform if getting back home late. Those are the boring persons who spend hours with grandparents or other elders at home soothening their old age.

Today conservatism or liberalism has been understood to do mostly with physical attributes. An attire, a food, a habit, a value is to be driven by sense of comfort. Breaking a trend or an established practice is not being liberal. Changing ones physical appearances does not broaden the horizons of thoughts. It only shifts the person from one silo to another.

Liberalism is not a migration. It is opening up. Opening up emotionally, psychologically and intrinsically. Opening up is acceptance, co-existence and harmony. The buzz word is co-existence and not change. It is not adopting but adapting while continuing to be ourselves. With the basic foundation intact, a better evolvement should happen.

According to me, India is one of the most liberal countries. We can count a very few countries in the world which have engulfed so much variety and still continue to keep the roots intact.

Liberalization is a inherent feeling, more intrinsic and a process of self evolvement. It doesn’t require advertisement or propaganda .It has no definitions, no ground rules, no benchmarks and no scales of comparison. It is not an accomplishment but a process, a never-ending process towards betterment and satisfaction.

ps: this is a repeat post